rhubarb crumble


*drops food on floor*

germs: go get it! quick!

king germ: no.. we must wait 5 seconds.. it is the rule


I have seen into the gates of hell

  • Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
  • Period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
  • Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
  • Period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
  • Period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
  • Period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
  • Period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
  • Period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
  • Period: Yell at a puppy.

never lose sight of what is important

  • on the internet: 7:30pm *closes eyes for 5 minutes* 5am
  • at school: 9:30am *closes eyes for 5 minutes* 9:20am




much more efficient than a shower 

much more efficient than a dildo

there are two people in this world…

only 2

  • Teacher: Why did you not study?
  • Me: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.